Here at Jo McAlister Coaching, we’re often approached about relationship advice from our clients in and around Belfast. When individuals come to me with relationship issues either personal or work related, I usually start finding out about them first. Most are angry with someone in their life who is “making them feel awful”. The reality is no one can make you feel anything without your permission. This is usually difficult to hear, but think about it. Why doesn’t everyone be affected by this individual in the same way as you are? You have triggers or patterns that are allowing you to be treated in this way. When you are angry or annoyed by someone, they have hit one of your triggers. These are your triggers and you have developed them over a period of time. You have no control over anyone else but you can change your triggers by removing the emotional connection behind them. The pattern will then change and you will notice that this person no longer irritates you.
When it involves a romantic partner, there are usually patterns that have been around for quite a while.
I often go back to how the individual sees themselves. This is key to understanding what is behind a relationship issue. I worked with an amazing woman, who did wonderful work for charities and people struggling. In her personal life she always attracted men into her life who needed help and as soon as she got them sorted out, they left her. She just wanted someone to share her life with and struggled to understand why she couldn’t meet this person. When she shared her early experiences, her father was never at home, only when he hit bad times and needed somewhere to stay and be looked after. Her mother always took him back and he always left again. When we saw the pattern, and she had never thought about this, we were able to start shifting it. She was extremely kind hearted and would never see anyone stuck, but we were able to separate her need to help others from her desire to have a life partner who would stay around. It did take a while but she is now in a committed, long-term relationship and is very happy.
We are here to help you whatever your issue is, if you’re needing relationship advice and you’re based around Belfast, Please feel free to drop us a message and we can see if we can assist you. You can find our contact page here.
If you enjoyed this blog, you might also be interested in our article on Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
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